I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
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