You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize