Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
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I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
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I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize