from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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