I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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