why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize