I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
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you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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