i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
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