Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
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