i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize