The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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