i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
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so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
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Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
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