i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize