God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize