I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
please come you make the beer taste better
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
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I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
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I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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