I'm so fucking centered right now
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
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