how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
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I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
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I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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