are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
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My ATM looks so different sober.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
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So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
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