He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
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She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
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I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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