Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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