You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
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Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
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We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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