so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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