Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize