you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize