"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Randomize