____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
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They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
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