she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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