toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
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I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
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Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
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