The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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