even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Less talking, more tequila
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Randomize