I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Good news!! I can adult!! π turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ππ
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now Iβm laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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