I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize