Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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