ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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