I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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