So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
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this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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