I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
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After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
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My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
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