I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
My breasts were aching with rage.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize