he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize