Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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