Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
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