Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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