i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
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You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
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Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... π―πππ
Do I even want to know?
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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