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I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
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