Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize