He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
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I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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