u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
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