In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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