Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
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so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
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The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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