I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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